Wednesday, 22 January 2014

shake

It's hard to remember to charge my computer and my phone. There is only one good plug to do that in the house. When i first got here i tried to use just an adapter and i swear to you when i touched my computer i could feel the electricity running around in my body. Not good. So now i just use the one power converter that deborah keeps in her room. but often everything just goes dead. Mostly because i am so busy and my mind is so focused on the women and being present and all that still needs to be done. Things i need to order from the grocer, or the fact that the pomegranate seed we had cleaned will need to be thrown out tomorrow. Actually, nothing gets " thrown out" here. Everthing really is recycled. And not in the way we do it. Putting it in a different trash and rolling it to the curb. Here we save all our food prep scraps which get driven and dumped at the little farm where the cows and chickens and goats and what have you roam free and will eat them. The whole city does this. Anything that can be burned like paper and cardboard and coconut shells, shake takes and sets out by the curb and people take it and use it in their cook fires. Any bottle or containers are the same thing. We put them out and someone collects them and returns them for money. The actual garbage, like plastic.. really only plastic, gets thrown away. And even then there are people who live where it is thrown and they get money for sorting and bundling it. being here really is changing my habits and my thinking. In ways that i can really sink into.

We went to the Ashram today. or the Ohsho Meditation Center. i am not really clear on its official title. We all dressed in maroon robes and attended the " welcome morning". which was an orientation where we listened to a lot of talking, did not interact with eachother and all nearly fell asleep. Except for the times when we were trying out some of the meditations. I liked the one that started with allowing your body to shake. They were all pretty interesting and i could get into it. But not the sitting and the talking. Halfway through i got up and left. I went out and walked around the resort, which is absolutely beautifully designed. I had the most moving moment that ive had so far. I heard some music and went to investigate and i found people all spread out on this gorgeous marble pavilion and they were in groups of two or three. maybe 30 groups of people. They were all painting eachothers portrait using water colors and these huge pieces of paper. Everyone was kneeling or sitting on cushions and the pavilion was surrounded by trees. I went up onto it and i found a spot and i just sat and watched them. i watched their faces. And i felt the energy that was swirling all around there. The connection was palpable. There was a woman in a black robe and she was walking up toward the group and she gave them instruction to switch and paint the other person. As she was finishing talk she was walking closer to me and when she got up close she just looked me right in the eye and for a moment it was just that. Her eyes were very warm and smiling but also super piercing. I felt penetrated (iknowtf). Then she touched her hand to her heart and smiled and kept walking by and didnt break eye contact until her body turned. As soon as she did i had these big crocodile tears just start. I cant explain it very well, or much better than that.
I sat for awhile and then i went to the information area and i asked about what they were doing. And it was a painting class, obviously, and the woman teaching, Meera, only comes once a year and its too late to register for the class now. I will take that intensive someday. I know that i will be back here.

When i found my group again they were just being released from the room. It was Kunchok and I and we made a great team keeping track of everyone and herding them along for the rest of the morning which was a walking tour. One of our guides is a lovely woman name Lama. She and i talked for a long time. She has been staying at the Ashram for 25 years since she first came. Fascinating. I will go back to find her and i hope to have lunch with her or some tea.
After Ohsho we all went out to eat at the place next door. It was fancy. I cant get over how little we pay for things that are of incredible quality. I had a freshly made carrot and ginger juice for around 1.20. Unreal.

When we got back i fell asleep on the couch for half an hour and then all the women arrived for the scheduled cooking class from a woman who is apparently very famous in the Bollywood scene. I havnt been feeling well and i havnt been getting much sleep so i just hung around and waited until it was over instead of going off on my own. Deborah and Frances wanted to go to a few shops. I found a really lovely pair of earrings to give to Frances tomorrow for her birthday.

Tomorrow is a very full day. We are going to the orphanage after lunch and then there is a chakra balancing activity in the evening.

 I hope i dont come home with an indian baby. I brought a ton of quarters from home that i want to give out to the kids and we are making huge fruit baskets to bring to them. Fruit is expensive for them to buy and the kids dont get it very often. I am looking forward to going, and for the women to have the experience as well. I think its going to be difficult and that we will all feel and learn a lot.

Again i am falling asleep as i type.











Tuesday, 21 January 2014

treasure

Another lovely day is over. The girls ( Deborah and Frances) and i are having tea at the kitchen table. They are so funny, they giggle like no body's business. It's so much fun with them. We laugh a lot.
        We had the afternoon to shop today. I found a few treasures. I am so excited and looking forward to taking the time to hand pick gifts for everyone back home. There are such treasures here!

I went down to some shops and had chai and chatted with the men there and shopped and i had a lovely time. I bought pants and a bracelet and a ring and a neclace and Abraham gave me a scarf as a gift after we had tea and chatted about traveling. I really enjoyed my time.
Afterwards we went down to the women and handed out the maroon robes that we will all wear when we go to Ohsho Ashram in the morning. I am interested in what that day will be like. There was an aids test as part of the registration so at least i know that i don't have that. We stayed for a long time there and chatted with them and everyone wanted to share what they had bought.
 today was fun and i am tired. Ill have to remember to blog a little earlier if i can.
  

Monday, 20 January 2014

Yellow

I really liked today. I think because i had some time off!. I skipped the afternoon activities to take care of details and have some time to relax. This morning was our first breakfast and it was beautiful! i forgot to take a photo to post but i will at some point.  I got up early and after coffee i walked down to the little grocery that is around the corner but on the main street. I needed fruits for breakfast and a few vegetables to complete lunch. I love love love going and hand picking these beautiful foods and then preparing them. ive never before experienced this kind of relationship with food. I dont know how i am going to adjust to life back home, and i dont even want to think about it. The withdrawl coming back is going to be brutal. I will implement what i can. And this fresh food thing is for sure going to be one of them. Breakfast went off without a hitch that anyone knew of and the women loved it. It feels so good to feed them. Kunchok and i cleaned up breakfast and then had about an hour to sit and have chai before we started on lunch. That also was beautiful. Another beautiful thing is that for lunch clean up, two of Shaks daughters in law come and take care of everything. which is so nice. I was planning on attending the afternoon activity which was some kind of mindfulness center but Frances decided to go and she gave me her scheduled massage so... i did that instead. It was lovely. Afterward i laid naked on the terrace in the sun and pretended there was nothing else i needed to do today.

Today was the first scheduled day. The women arrive at 8 for yoga followed by breakfast at 9:30 and then they have a little break  before coming back for class at 11:00 and lunch at 1:00. Then they have a break until 3:30 when whatever is planned fort he day happens. That is a typical day, but there area  few where we are taking a day trip to some temples, visiting an orphanage and going to the osho ashram.

After my massage Kunchok and i took a rick down and we sat and had a coffee and then went to a few shops and looked for some pants for him. he was so funny, he knows exactly the kind of pants he wants and was done after 5 minutes. His leg is not better. I asked to see it because he wears long pants and it is really fucking swollen. like a lot. he goes everyday to a tibetan acupuncturist and he is not worried so we are tying not to worry as well. he has also been to the hospital a bunch and is on antibiotics. Kunchok is from tibet and he says "indian doctor not good, tibetan doctor much more better".

I actually really like all of the women in the group. They are middle aged women who are, and this is a generality, pretty well off. They are beautiful. I love taking care of them.

I love Deborah and Frances as well. They are both quite amazing ladies. We really laugh and love a lot. Its genuine and comfortable right off the bat. I remember the morning when Frances arrived, and our group felt whole. This is a really fulling experience. I sometimes cant believe i am having it, and at the same time i cant imagine never having been here. It just fits. I already hope to come back.

Yesterday was hectic. Kunchok and i went with Mr Shak at 8 to the flower market to get so many flowers you wouldnt believe. It was huge, so many flowers, so many people. Kunchok stayed in the Rick and i went with Shak and he let me pick out all the flowers i wanted for the arrangements. After two trips back to the rick with armloads of flowers we drove off to another part of town, Shaks neighborhood where we went in search of a very specific small pitcher for milk and 20 glasses. I spied a garlic press which i have to remember to go back for. Shak is such a delightful man. He is unbelievably loveable and he calls me Yellow, because, Deborah says, Willow doesnt make sense to him at all. So now everyone calls me yellow which i love of course.
After we found the pitcher for milk we did a quick little jaunt down the street and shak stopped and got kunchok and i chai and donuts. He is very fatherly. He calls me baby also, which sounds like Baybiiiii and he is always watching out for the two f us. I adore him completely.
We came back with the flowers and Frances and i spent the next few hours cleaning them and making arrangements. Lots of arrangements. Frances made most of them and i had to hurry back to start on lunch so that it would be ready for when the women arrived.

 They arrived at 2, had lunch and a welcome circle, a tour of the town, and dinner out. At dinner we all split up so we could manage our ladies. All the women are staying in these three beautiful houses just down the lane. The end of the day found Deborah, Frances and myself walking back home at 11 at night after making sure all the women were settled for the night. We were delirious. We had been up and working since 6am. We were laughing the whole way home about the ridiculousness of the day. Deborah nearly peed her pants, which apparently would not have surprised anyone. It was really one of the best moments of my life.

The amount of work that is going into this is astounding. We are working with a language barrier to co ordinate all kinds of things. Its a beautiful machine. The ladies come in and everything looks and feels effortless to them. In the evening Kunchok, Deborah, Frances and i sit at the kitchen table and have tea and we talk about the day and we talk about the next day. Its a beautiful ritual. We are the perfect team.


                                              8 am trip to the flower market




                                          Endless choices




                                          backing up the rickshaw





                                         See Mr. Shak picking out oranges?






                          The oranges have the most amazingly soft peels. They just melt open.
                                                              Abra would like them



                                        arranging flowers for everywhere. close to 25 arrangements




                                                 beautiful Frances and her lovely arrangements!




                                   Mr. Shak let me pick all the flowers  These were my absolute favorite
                                                           




                                                 We made it through our first lunch beautifully!!



                                                          


                                                              our first lunch! Chai break






                                                                  My group at dinner






                                                            8am Yoga on the terrace







                                             A greeting on my way to buy the mornings fruit








                                               making a selection Shak would be proud of










                                                                        Gorgeous








                                                                      The lunch table




                                                     After lunch chair break tradition


 

Sunday, 19 January 2014

pppff

What an unbelievable day! Truly. I just climbed into bed and it is 11:00 which means i have been on it for 14 hours. Completely on the ball. I am exhausted and will try to update tomorrow. The women just got here today and there was a LOT to handle. tomorrow i may have a moment to jot it all down, i really want to keep up with each day because there is not way i can do my physical journal with all there is to get done in a day. Goodnight!

Saturday, 18 January 2014

Same same

I have a bit of a routine now. I get up earlier than i ever imagined a person should and i am wide awake. I make a cup of tea and i come back up my lovely spiral staircase and i metabolize my experience of the previous day. When the whole day is over i climb into my bed and write this blog.exhausted.

Today Kunchok and i prepped a huge variety of vegetables. gorgeous vegetables. In this house we marvel about them. Its all about the food. Every single thing that is bought has to be washed and then soaked with grape seed extract. Then we cut and chop and grate and slice and store. For lunch the main attraction is a gigantic green salad. Spinach and Kurdae are the base and then a ton of things go into it. Yesterday i learned how to sprout beans. today i made a beet bleed. I ask Kunchok how to say vegetable names in tibet and he tells me the name in india too. Sometimes he says they are the same. "same same". I like adopting a way of communicating with him. A mix of body language, words im learning and english.



Tomorrow morning i am going with Mr Shak to the market to get fresh flowers and then i am helping to make about 25 arrangements. Fresh flowers go everywhere. The women arrive at two and its my job to meet them and get them into the right rooms with all their luggage. After which i get lunch ready and served and we have a welcome circle. Then we are grouping up and having a caravan tour in rickshaws all around Koregeon park. Then we are taking them out to eat for dinner. It seems like an impossible amount of things to do before all that happens. Deborah and Frances are the facilitators of this whole retreat and today i had to come out of the kitchen and intervene when i heard a 30 minute conversation on how to phrase one simple piece of information. Tomorrow it will all land. I can feel it.


 
Poor Kunchok cut his leg the day before he arrived in Pune and he got an infection. Today it really seems like something serious. he has been going to the doctor and is on antibiotics but today he seemed much worse. He is the sweetest guy on the planet. He is so conscious and he notices so many of the little things. I appreciate having a comrade and i hope his legs gets better and he can keep working. there is concern that he might not be up for the work load. Today he played some modern Tibetan music for me and he wanted me to share my music with him. He talks so very softly and his english is very hard to understand. but i can understand him really well. thats the witchy magic i think.

I made my first purchase today when we went out to pick up some more things that we need. We stopped at the tailor and i saw an awesome pair of pants that i needed to have. I paid 400 rupees. a bargain. Im going to wear them tomorrow.

thats all. i am actually nodding off as i write.   

Friday, 17 January 2014

Tali

Hello and another day is closing. Today I organized the kitchen and made lists and thought about the tasks to come ahead. On sunday the 13 women who are attending this retreat will all be here and it will be the first day Kunchok and i will be feeding them. We went to shops and picked out one thing here, one thing there. The sun and the street and the colors. The cars and rickshaws and motorbikes always beeping, quick beeps, talking to eachother. We circle around and go down an alley so Mr. Shak can dump our food scraps for the goats and chickens and cows that live and roam free in that area. He does that every day. He runs out to get one bunch of spinach. I like it here. I like the way they do things, the pace. It makes this one day feel like a week. It is satisfying.
 We ate lunch at a place Mr. Shak brought us to. It was a familys home. Not what you are picturing in your mind. You have to think concrete one room metal gate no windows. A little girl was playing on the cement floor in the kitchen. In the alley in front there was one plastic table and plastic chairs. I could see through the not window how the women prepared our food. There were cut vegetables on burlap laying about. A few flies. No big deal. I thought of Abra and how she would have absolutely cringed. We ordered Tali, which is like Tapas. A little bit of a few things that we all share. It was so delicious. I am going to come home all fat and happy.
We eat with our hands here when we go out which i LOVE. i love it so much. Ive always loved eating with my fingers, it just feels right. Especially when what im eating is delicious.
 I am feeling recovered from the jetlag. I am feeling settled in here.
Tomorrow is the last day of getting ready before this all starts and things get crazy. I am looking forward to it. I feel present. Its going to be challenging and rewarding. I hope to push some limits and find some new places to explore. I know these people now and they know me. I came here alone. The world is not so scary to be out "alone" in. Because there is always connection to be made.


                                                     Kunchok and i in the rickshaw
                                                              
                                                                      Rickshaws


                                                         My morning bucket bath



                                                making the breakfast "green drink"



                                                 Deborah and Mr.Shak discussing the quality 
                                  Mr. Shak takes picking out good fruit and vegetables very seriously



                                        And he blinked! He is the sweetest man ive ever met




                                                Spiral staircase



                                                 The living room view


Thursday, 16 January 2014

his name is Kunchok

This morning i found myself wide awake at 4:22 am with a mind racing. I understand that all emotions are pain. Thats where they lead. Thoughts arise and without mindfulness they manifest into suffering. without mindfulness.
          My life is no greater than this moment. My potential to achieve is a double edged concept. Looking at potential, and achievement. lately i have been looking for value, through the approval of people who know me. As well as myself. I am working on removing entitlement and attachment. Recognizing through mindfulness the choice i have to suffer, or to not suffer. Can my value in life be value neutral? I feel done with my self imposed embarrassment to my sense of value. I would like to let that one go now. I dont want a goal. I just want to live.
   
         People here live every day. Live it. I had no idea how much of my time ive been spending in the moment just beyond the task at hand. Hurry up and get this done so i can go do that...Here we go to the market everyday to get the food that we are going to eat, every day. Here there is a little girl who dances on the sidewalk and begs for money. She is not having a tantrum about her cartoons being turned off. She is not consumed with what she is going to make of her life. This is her life. and there is beauty in that not sadness.

Nothing belongs to me but my experience in life. and even that is kind of a question mark at this point.
philosophy is a total mind fuck.