Boy Girl

I just had a wonderful conversation with Mr Shak sitting up in my room looking out on the terrace. He was talking about how the people in his community expect for him to bring them the women to shop and expect him to essentially trickle down money that he earns because he works for Deborah. A western woman. They just take and take and take he said, they always want more, always looking for money. He was cutely explaining how much that gives him a headache and how that is not the way to live and how these women are free to shop where they want and how he doesnt worry about that. He is here for his family. He works hard for them so they look nice and they are happy and taken care of and that is what he does. He is here for Deborah.  He told me a story about how he was out getting bananas and he found a bunch that had two stuck together and he got them because they are like Tess and Jenna. Who are Deborah's twins. To me he was explaining how he has been tamed ( as in the Fox). It was beautiful. He knows what is important in life, where the richness really is. He is a golden soul, he truly is.
As we were talking he said the cutest thing ever which made me so happy. He said " i know you, you are so good, i told Deborah from the first day i saw you i knew you were strong, you are so smart, you see everything. You are like me, like my mind. You are like this, like a strong boy ( he holds his arms up and flexes) and when you are a girl you are like this ( and he swayed and hummed and waved his hands out dancing) like a beautiful lady."  I laughed out loud. He knows alright. half boy, half girl.

Women left yesterday and the day before. Today the last four leave and tomorrow Frances goes home as well. Its been a much more relaxing couple of days. We have been making breakfast and lunch still but it is much less hectic and in the afternoons we are all together shopping and laughing and enjoying each others company in a way we were not able to do with all of the women here. I have joined them for yoga class the past two mornings and that has been really nice. I am not getting any exercise other than walking to places. Im not about to go running by myself. Deborah has a bicycle and she offered me to use it anytime i like. I dont think i want to go traveling during the break. Not for the first week anyway. I want to make art and visit my little baby at the orphanage and take pictures and go shopping and spend time with Deborah. The time has gone by really fast but its crazy to think that ill be here for 5 more weeks. I really love it here. I am looking forward to some quiet time and what i will find in it.


 here are some more pictures from the day at Karla Caves. Also, Kunchok is still going for acupuncture with his Tibetan doctor but his leg is completely healed and looking normal. 

     Deborah caught our nap

 the powder for the bindi blessings

   As much of the main meditation hall as i could fit in a photo

Caves

       Today was awesome. We left Pune early in the morning. Early enough to watch the sun come up from the quiet bus as we jostled along on our way to Karla Caves. It was about an hour and a half drive and i spent the time contemplating many things. I am most grateful for this experience and what i have learned so far about myself and new places that i feel comfortable resting in. Places that felt like an edge before. My release of attachment and the open space its creating within me, this new level of relationship i have found with myself. Even more awareness. I am loving this.

       The caves were incredible. You can read about them here.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karla_Caves
We walked up stairs and stairs, some parts of which had shops with all kinds of things you could buy as an offering to the goddess who's temple is located right next to the caves. It felt good to climb. To get up high and look out over the land. It was really beautiful. What we could see of the caves was once large hall and a few other rooms carved out of the rock in the mountain. The meditation hall was incredible. The carvings were amazing and the stone felt so rich. It was cool and soft and it felt as ancient as it was.
         We gave the women the option of going to another set of caves, down to the town to eat or back to Pune. They picked going back. On the bus ride back i was tired. Kunchok and i had the row in the very back so i put my feet up and made a little pillow out of my sweatshirt and went to curl up on the seat. But Kunchok said " no no" and patted his leg for me and so i rested my head and we napped together the whole way back. It was the sweetest gesture and i so appreciated the moment of contact and the feeling of being close to another human like that. It's interesting because the other day when i was having feelings there were a couple of moments when he gave me this curious inquisitive look, his head would tip to the side. It was like he was asking  "whats up with you today". He is incredibly aware and mindful. He is a teacher. Im going to miss him!
    A couple of the women are leaving tomorrow and then more the next day. Everyone including Frances will be gone by sunday. How can that be!!? Im going to miss Frances so much as well! I love the part of meeting those genuine people in life where you cant imagine how they never existed to you before. Even Mr. Shak. Ive met so many people here and its crazy to think that i knew not a single person coming here. It makes me feel like i can go anywhere, literally anywhere in the world and find connection and a sense of belonging.

Here are a couple of photos from the trip today. I am going to sleep so well tonight. Tomorrow, depending on the interest, we may have a henna party in the afternoon. I joked to Deborah that i was going to try out what having a face tattoo might be like.

Goodnight!

 stars from malaka spice

 the arches in the hall

 this was a pattern on the floor of the temple hall.

 

 

The good fortune of ants

Yesterday we had an early breakfast and headed out to Juna Bazaar. I would describe this as a flea market. I want to go back when the women are gone so i can experience it in a more relaxed way. It was my favorite place to shop so far. People just set their items out on blankets and you could poke around and barter on prices. It was definitely in the slums. I will get better photographs when i go back but as it was i could hardly do much else but be there. Women had saris and clothes and the ladies in our group jumped right in and bought plenty of stuff. There were kids running round and we brought a huge bag of candy to hand out. Toward the end of our time there when we were loading up to head to lunch we gave what was left of the bag to one boy and asked him to share with his friends. Amidst getting all the women in the ricks and sending them off, missing a couple and doing a mini search party for them, I witnessed this little boy handing out the candy to his friends and then going out into the market and giving it all away to everyone who wanted some. I was impressed by that. He went out and shared happily something he probably eats very little of and could have kept for himself. I gave him a couple ten rupee notes. Noticing. People deserved to be noticed for the little things they do. For everything they do.
            We went to lunch and then came back to Liberty and had sari dress up with the women. They also had the opportunity to buy quilts and throws and scarves that Deborah had made. Hardly any of them bought which i couldnt believe. these things are gorgeous and not only that, but they gave some less fortunate women some steady work that they would not have had. She has such a big heart. Her motivation behind having them made comes from her awareness that being here, she can give to these people by giving them jobs. She bought the used saris from the women at Juna Bazaar, paying more than they would have gotten from Indians, She paid the taylor who designed them and sewed them. and she paid the women who lived on the street that hand stitched them all together. Its rich.
  

 
        This morning one of the women was complaining about the ants that are in her bathroom. And she was kind of angry about it. I think this has me upset today. I have been welling up all day and waiting for an opportunity to release. Its such an entitled perspective. These women are lovely, but they are all either half, or completely asleep. Its difficult and it is a lot of energy each day working around and with them. This particular woman has been up in arms about the accommodations from the beginning. Saying Deborah should have prepared them for what it would be like here and where they would be staying. So the showers are a little weird, and there are ants sometimes if you leave your food out and the street dogs poop wherever they want and the electricity sometimes goes out. Hello, you are in India! Its unbelievable. And so entitled and it hits me. Deborah has gone above and beyond and then some to make these women comfortable. People do not live like that here. They are living like queens right now. But they came here with some kind of expectations which are not being met and could never have been met. How do you not understand that you are coming to a place like India, and you expect to have everything like home? Why would you expect that. Why would you not prepare yourself? Furthermore how can you not understand that it is your own responsibility. But she wont. She wont ever see that they way she feels right now, her suffering, is completely her responsibility.  So she blames Deborah and is throwing her charge on her. And that breaks my heart. Because she cant see how phenomenal Deborah is through that. Just the outright lack of awareness and appreciation. The perspective. The beauty that is actually here. the opportunity to see in a whole new way. A whole new amazing way! And she wont. And i am having the hardest time finding approval for her for where she is at. And today my tolerance does not exist and i am longing to retreat into a bubble that is protected from them sucking my energy. My introverted self needs to be recharged
       I just cant tolerate this kind of person close in my life anymore. And this is a huge dose of it. Being here has changed me. In many ways. Being completely open to this group of people and finding myself hugely aware of who out of them feed me and who out of them feed from me. And i cant help but think about the people in my life at home, people i give my time and self too, people who are hard to find. And the

stark contrast between them and people who are on the same path as i am. I can choose the people i am fully open to, i can recognize them now. that was given to me here. And for the rest, i have found a boundary and i give myself complete permission and approval to let them in only as far as it feels good. I can be in approval of where they are at but i do not have to participate in any way, or subject myself even to exposure to that if i don't want to.
      Unwilling to look at things, really look and see whats actually there. people who dump all the responsibility where it has no business and who are entitled with it and find it not only acceptable, but demand that its where it belongs. People who are selfish, but dont look at what they are taking and needing and asking. people who have their perspective fixed only on the surface of themselves and are unwilling to look below, to find the story and to work to release it and get free.
     
Life is an experience. everything else is just a concept.
and in india the ants are considered a sign of good fortune and prosperity if they are in your home.

Laxmi Market & MG Road

             Today we went shopping with all the ladies after lunch. That was interesting. There was SO much to look at and take pictures of and there was a lot of vigilance needed to be certain that no one got lost. They have their little Indian phones but they clearly do not pay attention to them. At the end of the day three women accidentally got into a rick that was not part of our team and we nearly had a heart attack hoping they made it back since they were not answering their phone. That could have gone many ways but fortunately it went perfectly! They were back at Riverside when we returned.

         I had Frances' camera and took a lot of photographs. The colors. The bustle. It got overwhelming after a few hours. I bought two pairs of shoes (not the elf kind) I found a piece of brass, some little silk screens and a belt. I am really looking forward to going to Juna Bazaar tomorrow. I am going to get saris to make things from. I am exhausted from just taking it all in and keeping an eye on all the coming and going.

        Early day tomorrow!    

 

 

                                                                      Black Kite.
                                              This one is always on the terrace in the morning.
                                       They are everywhere and i love hearing the hawk shriek (icy cove view)

 

                                      Sweet little girls running up to get a ten note from Deborah

 

 Our crew of Rickshaw drivers led by Mr. Shak

                                                       Beautiful Deborah and Frances

                                                A temple being build on our way to Laxmi Market

                                     This man was taking so much care setting up his market stall

                                                                                       

                                                 

                                                              Street dog pups

                                                                  

                                               A very small portion of the market

 

 

                                                  Allison receiving a blessing

 

Beautiful Deborah

 

 These girls asked for me to take their picture

one of them was happy about it

 

Spices

 

 Fresh coconut water

 

 A tiny alter

 

 

                                                                               Elf shoe boys!

Flowers and rain

Today it rained. Which is unusual for this time of year. It cancelled our afternoon outing to MG road for shopping. It was also miss Frances' birthday. The rain made a somewhat relaxing afternoon and we all slowed down for a few and took a rest. This train has been going full steam ahead for what feels like weeks. Not joking. This morning was lovely. Kunchok and I are in a stride within the kitchen. I've taken the leadership role and make sure all the details are taken care of. He loves to play me Tibetan music and to show me pictures of all his friends as tell me stories. Ivan follow along very easily and I am really getting a good feel of his personality. He trained in a monestary and he has a very gentle nature. There is a childlike enjoyment to some of the things he does. And he has this particular smile. I have grown very fond of him.

After lunch today I had to hurry down and prepare and arrange a new batch of fresh flowers for the women. 16 large vases and 13 small one for the bathrooms. I did it as fast as I could because it was hot out and because France's had been at it for a long time the first go. She put a lot of thought Into them. I really just three them together but they looked nice. kunchok came down and helped do the little bathroom vases which were just some yellow roses. There is something about being involved in the process that happens around here which I can really appreciate. The roses needed the thorns and leaves removed, each daisy has a plastic covering that needs to be removed. The almost butter is made, the beans are sprouted, the chick peas (channa) are soaked overnight and then pressure cooked for an hour. Nothing comes out of a can or a bag. Nothing is pre made. It comes from the farm to us, basically. I feel spoiled.

This afternoon I drew The Dueling Dragons wisdom card. Which I've never seen before. It talked a out duality and choices. Putting energy into one or the other and which will win. It was a great card for me. I have no idea what life is going to be like when I come back to Austin. I do know that I will be making some changes, with the way I live and the things I do with my time. It's going to be pretty hard to come back. 

BSSK

Today we went to BSSK Orphanage. Although they dont call it an orphange. They call it A Childs First Home. And it really was. It was deeply touching to be there and see the work and care put into this facility. And they don't have much to work with. They are not funded by India, and they like it that way because, as the woman told us, the red tape and restrictions put in place if they asked for funding would be completely not worth it. They have some flexibility being private, but it is hard to find funding. They have three branches that house children and the main office is here in Pune. They have about 10-12 adoptions per month. These are children found abandoned, or who are considered disabled (either mental, physical or HIV) and their families cannot care for them. Most of the babies are surrendered by unwed mothers because it is so shameful and in some places illegal to have a baby out of marriage. There were 11 newborns at the facility we visited. they were so teeny tiny and i wanted all of them. One thing i found very awesome is that they have a fairly new foster care program ( about 20 families) and they place the infants in the homes so that they develop proper attachment. Within the facility they try to staff one person to four babies. It is hard to find staff because the shifts are so long and most positions are volunteer basis. The children go up to age 6 and from there they go to school and are moved to another group home. The children with disabilities are very hard to adopt out. They wait for a spot to open in a care facility, which is hard to get into. Most of them spend their lives that way. In the room that had the babies ages 3 months-1.5 there was a little boy scooting around on the floor whos hands and feet had not developed, so he had little flippers. He came and stood at the low gate that closed the room off from the hallway and i had to stop and visit with him. I bent down and was loving on him and he put his little flipper up around my arm and i melted. he was also crying a little, i imagine it was kind of scary for him. I wanted to take him home immediately and i cant stop thinking about him. I cant imagine him not getting a home. There are a lot of beggers ive seen who do not have hands and feet like him. Maybe he was abandoned. I am going back when i have a break after the retreat to volunteer. I will learn more about his story. And of course love on him.
I'll try not to get attached. It's less than 1,000 us dollars to adopt here. Except that they use an agency for international adoption and of course that makes it outrageous. I think that is so stupid! I want Deborah to be a foster home and i will come and stay here forever and take care of all the little babies and send them off to the most loving homes. can you imagine?

It was hard to visit only because these sweethearts should be in a family. But it was also so beautiful to see the amazing work and love and care available to them. This place really is run like a home. Its clean and well laid out, it felt nothing like an institution. the children ran about and the were constantly being held and touched and tickled and loved. the Director, Roxanne, told us how they are aware when one of them gets adopted, that they see the couple come to pick the child up and they ask " whos mommy and daddy has come". They have the concept that out there is their family and they will come and get them when its time. But its joyful. At no point did it feel like the children were sad about their circumstances, they simple had no awareness that it should be any other way. And considering the conditions they could be living in, this is as good as it gets.    

Its time to make Lunch now. The power went out in the womens houses this morning and it was quite entertaining to hear how uncomfortable they were with that. I am observing a lot here. We did a Chakra balancing meditation last night and then the lovely woman who read it talked to us for a long time about them. It was a whole in depth look at the chakras that i have never heard before. talking about balance and how the energy moves and blockages and how they show up in our lives. It was affirmed that I am a really very well grounded person. Each day i take in something new all on my own and my love and appreciation for who i am and how i live and show up in the world is deepening and growing. I am beyond grateful to be having this experience.

okay, Lunch!!




                   Kunchok and i putting together fruit baskets for the children

                    This was the only picture of the Orphanage i was allowed to take